Are you Scottish ?

Are you Scottish?

You know you are a true Scot if...........

1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spil ling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories as pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in yer ain Family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the Ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day .
13 You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n Chips, irn- bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
18. Ye actually understand this and yur r gonnae send it tae yer pals.
19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words:

How's it hingin
Clarty
Boggin
Cludgie
Pished
Get it up ye
Wee beasties
Amurny
Away an bile yer heid
Peely-wally
Humphey backit
Baw bag
Dubble nugget

And finally......
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing wi his haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks,

"Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?"

"Naw,"replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.